▪ Writer vs. Words

Ils ne sont jamais neutres, les mots, ils déforment tout, ils nous chassent des pays merveilleux de l'enfance, ils nous circonscrivent, nous limitent et nous censurent et quand nous entrons dans une langue, nous ne savons pas dans quoi nous entrons, mais c'est une religion, c'est une cathédrale, c'est une maison, c'est un vêtement et nous aurons beau faire et beau nous débattre, nous sommes pris. Il n'y a plus de pureté possible, le regard s'amenuise, l'œil ternit, on nous aveugle lentement et notre seul effort doit consister à retrouver la vue, à réapprendre à voir, mais entre nous et ce que nous sommes vraiment se tient la barrière de milliers de mots, avec leur histoire, leur découpage, leur référents, leur poussière, leur passé, leurs déformations, leur tristesse. Et la seul issue pour moi actuellement c'est la fuite accélérée de cela qui me rejoint toujours, qui me rejoint tellement vite, qui se jette sur moi et m'empêche de voir, qui me bouche la vue, qui me bouche la liberté. Je ne veux pas devenir aveugle. Il n'y a personne au monde qui puisse me donner ma liberté, pas même les plus grands ni les plus libres des hommes, parce que le mot grand et le mot libre et le mot homme sont encore des mots. Je déteste les mots, tu sais, oui je suis écrivain et je déteste tous les mots qui me poursuivent et me harcèlent et me persécutent et le mot écrivain est un de ceux-là parce que c'est quoi ça, être écrivain, penses-tu? Est-ce que je suis écrivain quand je te parle, quand je prends l'autobus, est-ce que je suis écrivain dans mon bain, quand je mange ? Et toi qui me prends pour un écrivain, qu'est-ce que tu penses que je suis, un mot?

Voyage en Irlande avec un parapluie, Louis Gauthier

 

 

 

▪ I Mean, What does Meaningful Mean?

 

SEARCHING FOR MEANING

I think I am staying alive just to satisfy you. That’s what Richard said to Clarissa.

But what does he really mean? What is he saying? And what is he not saying when he says what he says? He only said ten words, so he can’t probably mean more than that. Or can he? He did not say that his life has lost all purpose. He did not say that each hour (oh, the hours!) of every day is now a torture. He did not say that he’s come to consider suicide. He only said ten words and none of them were “purpose” or “torture” or “suicide”, so he didn’t really say any of that. Or did he? He didn’t specifically say it. That he wants to die. That the end has finally arrived. That there’s nothing left to do. That life is now meaningless. That it’s only because of her. She, the only reason. Nothing else.

He didn’t really say all that, but he did say it somehow. And what did she reply? What did she say? That is what we do, that is what people do: they stay alive for each other. She said sixteen words. Which mean what? Which mean if everybody does it, why not you? Seven words. Or maybe she said I do not care about other people, I just need you alive. Do it for me. Please. Remember me as I remember you and stay alive so I can come and see you and we can be together. Thirty-eight words. Or maybe she actually said I think I am also staying alive just for you and it is so sad that we cannot be together but what else can I do but to give parties and buy flowers and breathe in the fresh air of each blue morning and celebrate life and pretend happiness is all around in the hope that at least a little bit of it reaches you, reaches us, because I love you so much and we love each other and so we have to do it for us, we have to stay alive for one another. Ninety-five words.

But she didn’t say all that when she said what she said. Or did she? It’s hard to say. Language can condense many things in a very short string of words. Everything can always be expanded and contracted. Everything. Everything can be extended beyond its limits and be seen or said or read or heard or felt or thought or meant or done from different perspectives and angles or be reduced to just three ordinary words which can become especially meaningful when combined. Everything can change.

So they said something and they didn’t say something but they did say it anyway without saying it. And what am I saying here and now? What am I doing? And what am I not saying? Am I being short? Am I? Or am I just rambling about the way we think and the way we say things and what we actually say and what we mean without saying what we think and what we want and what we actually do when not doing something? Why do we sometimes say too little? Please, tell me. Why do we sometimes say too much? Can sixteen words contain ninety-five? And can ninety-five contain only sixteen? And what’s the point of all my saying and my not saying if you’re doing nothing about it? Please, tell yourself what this is all about. I urge you to act. I urge you to think. What are you doing now after reading me, after reading Richard and Clarissa? What are you thinking? Who are you staying alive for? Tell me, what am I really saying here and now? What is this all about? Please, give yourself an explanation. 

 

(2012)

 

 

  

▪ Words, Words, Words

LA PALABRA

Todo lo que usted quiera, sí señor, pero son las palabras las que cantan, las que suben y bajan... Me prosterno ante ellas... Las amo, las adhiero, las persigo, las muerdo, las derrito... Amo tanto las palabras... Las inesperadas... Las que glotonamente se esperan, se escuchan, hasta que de pronto caen... Vocablos amados... Brillan como piedras de colores, saltan como platinados peces, son espuma, hilo, metal, rocío... Persigo algunas palabras... Son tan hermosas que las quiero poner todas en mi poema... Las agarro al vuelo, cuando van zumbando, y las atrapo, las limpio, las pelo, me preparo frente al plato, las siento cristalinas, vibrantes, ebúrneas, vegetales, aceitosas, como frutas, como algas, como ágatas, como aceitunas... Y entonces las revuelvo, las agito, me las bebo, me las zampo, las trituro, las emperejilo, las liberto... Las dejo como estalactitas en mi poema, como pedacitos de madera bruñida, como carbón, como restos de naufragio, regalos de la ola... Todo está en la palabra... Una idea entera se cambia porque una palabra se trasladó de sitio, o porque otra se sentó como una reinita adentro de una frase que no la esperaba y que le obedeció... Tienen sombra, transparencia, peso, plumas, pelos, tienen de todo lo que se les fue agregando de tanto rodar por el río, de tanto transmigrar de patria, de tanto ser raíces... Son antiquísimas y recientísimas... Viven en el féretro escondido y en la flor apenas comenzada... Qué buen idioma el mío, qué buena lengua heredamos de los conquistadores torvos... Estos andaban a zancadas por las tremendas cordilleras, por las Américas encrespadas, buscando patatas, butifarras, frijolitos, tabaco negro, oro, maíz, huevos fritos, con aquel apetito voraz que nunca más se ha visto en el mundo... Todo se lo tragaban, con religiones, pirámides, tribus, idolatrías iguales a las que ellos traían en sus grandes bolsas... Por donde pasaban quedaba arrasada la tierra... Pero a los bárbaros se les caían de las botas, de las barbas, de los yelmos, de las herraduras, como piedrecitas, las palabras luminosas que se quedaron aquí resplandecientes... el idioma. Salimos perdiendo... Salimos ganando... Se llevaron el oro y nos dejaron el oro... Se lo llevaron todo y nos dejaron todo... Nos dejaron las palabras.

Pablo Neruda